I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
