i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
