I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
