First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
