Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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