Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
