I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
