My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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