She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
