...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
