he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
