I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
