Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
