when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize