I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize