atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
