There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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