That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
