i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
