GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
being pregnant is like rehab
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize