you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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