if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize