You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
