Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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