I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
