Where is the hickey?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
