dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
