Soap is not a condiment
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
