My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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