just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
