So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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