babies were throwing up all over the place
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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