i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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