the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
