WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
