I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
