omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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