Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
