I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
40s are totally the cure
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
