Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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