I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
