Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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