I should be sponsored by Trojan
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
