shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
