His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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