No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
