lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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