just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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