no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
