Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
