My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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