you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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