Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
