he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
God, I missed his penis.
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