this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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