Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
