When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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