If i come over, it means nothing
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
