and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
