why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
