Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
