I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize