im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
