Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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