somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
