Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
