This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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